Month: March 2014

Last night was an opportunity to speak to a group of women who are going through difficult times.  Prior to the chapel service start, our team spends time mingling, introducing ourselves and asking what they would like for us to pray for.  We take their names if they want to give them and write down their specific requests.  We have a very special group of prayer warriors that receive these requests and are committed to faithful prayers for women they will never meet this side of heaven.

I didn’t make it very far with my introductions before standing by two women, one about my age and another younger.  The older of the two shared first and a specific scripture came to my mind that had been, and still is, a source of great encouragement to me as her request was similar to prayers I’ve had for my own family.  I helped her find it in the bible I had just given her and encouraged her to mark it and declare it over her situation.  She was very open and friendly, grateful for the time I had taken with her.

As we talked, the younger of the two listened quietly from the wheelchair which held her.  I didn’t recognize any particular emotion on her face and the bible I had given her lay untouched on her lap.  I turned to speak directly to her and ask what I could pray for on her behalf.  The floodgates opened with hurt and anger that poured forth in a deluge that took me by surprise.  I have faced some difficult things in my life, but in moments like these I am humbled and ashamed of any complaining I have ever let escape my lips.  I cannot truly comprehend the depth of her pain, the wounds still excruciatingly raw from indescribable abuse suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to love her.  She kept repeating these things as if she were still in disbelief herself.

“Where was God when this was happening to me?”  “God doesn’t love me!!”  “Why didn’t He stop them?”  “What am I going to do now?”

What do you say?

No matter how “prayed up” I think I am, no matter how much thought and study I have put into the preparation to be in this place, nothing feels adequate in this moment.  My mind races to find the right words.  There aren’t many.  This is an important point. There aren’t many words that can respond in any way that will be sufficient.  We need to accept that.  Words don’t do it.

The enemy is quick to come with the thought that I have to defend God.  Me defend God?  Who am I to think that I could defend Him, much less think that He needs me to defend Him.  He doesn’t.  I can’t explain Him either.  He is.

Without preparation, I would be left with only an emotional response or the limitations of my intellect, both of which are sadly deficient.  This kind of gut-wrenching interaction is uncomfortable, to say the least.  My emotions won’t hold up.  They are not enough.  I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor.  I don’t have the knowledge that comes from professional training for these situations.  What limited knowledge I have in my brain is severely lacking when it comes to something like this.  My mind cannot provide what I need.  It’s not enough.

Prayer, meditation and study are essential.  I must rely on God.  I must believe that He is big enough to use me, to help me respond in a way that reveals Him.  And He is faithful.

I listened, let her pour it out, looked her straight in the eyes and told her God loved her.  It was met with anger and frustration, but it was the only thing I could say.  I took her face in my hands and repeated it.  My tears flowed freely with hers as I told her He loved her so much He gave His Son to die for her so that she would have hope.  I held her and wept with her as she sobbed in my arms, clinging to me as if to squeeze any measure of hope out of me and into her.  “I love you, God loves you and He’s made a way for you.  I don’t know what it is, but I know He is.  HE IS.”  It’s the only thing God gave me to say.

Minutes later as I spoke to the crowd that had gathered she remained in my line of sight.  I had prepared my message, but I couldn’t tell you now what I said.  God took over.  We were honored to pray with many as the evening came to a close.  But forever etched in my heart is the face of this young woman as she came to the front, not to ask for prayer or anything, but just to be near.  She smiled a smile of God-given peace that caught everyone’s attention.

What do you say?  Whatever He says.  Nothing more, nothing less.  This gospel message we say we believe is the most powerful formation of words ever to be spoken:  God loves you, Jesus died for you, there is hope because HE IS.  We must be willing to go where He says go, say what He says say, do what He says do without consulting our emotions or intellect to ask if we want to or if we are able!  We cannot wait until we think we know what to say or what to do.  Hurting people cannot wait until we have it all together.    He’s asked us to be empty of ourselves and full of Him and just GO.  We have to trust Him because HE IS and it’s more than enough.

…I AM…   Exodus 3:14

My dad loved telling old stories.  And re-telling them, again and again. He spent a lot of time reminiscing – thinking and talking about things in the past.  It didn’t matter how many times he’d told the stories or how many times we’d heard them, he experienced great enjoyment with every recounting of the events of his life.   He even wrote his autobiography once when he was recuperating from surgery.  This made for very interesting reading, first of all because he couldn’t spell.  Really.  Once we were able to decipher his best guess at the phonetic possibilities of words, the stories were most entertaining.   He had vivid memories permanently embedded in his mind because he repeatedly thought or talked about the events.

In 1990 the movie Total Recall was produced, with a remake in 2012.  It’s a sci-fi film where a company named Rekall provides memory implants, turning dreams into memories.  For the main character the procedure goes horribly wrong, making the lines between fantasy and reality blurred, causing him to be a hunted man.  I watched the original movie years ago, and have seen a portion of the remake.  Science fiction is a bit hard for me to follow, but I do remember it was about messed up memories.

What are the strongest memories embedded in your mind?  Are they the kind of thoughts that bring a smile or a LOL?  Or are they dark and haunting memories of hurt and difficulty?

David wrote a Psalm about the city of God, Jerusalem, when the city was strong and fortified.  He writes of how other kings were amazed, stricken with terror and took to flight when they came near.  He lifts the name of God, praising Him that His presence is a Refuge, a Stronghold.  It is an exhortation to the people of the city to join him in praising God for their strength, to look well at what God has done for them in order that they can tell the next generation.

Psalm 48:13 in the Amplified Bible says “Consider well her ramparts, go through her palaces and citadels, that you may tell the next generation – and cease recalling disappointments.”

The people of God had been through a lot.  They had experienced wars and exile, peace and deliverance throughout their history. David knew that the people of the city would miss the blessing of the time they were in if they kept talking about all the disappointments they’d experienced.

We’ve all experienced disappointments in our lives, but have we recalled them so often, thought and talked about them to the point they are permanently embedded in our minds?  Has the enemy “implanted memories” in your mind, like in the sci-fi movie, that have caused reality to become a bit blurred?  He’s good at that.  He loves to bring back the memories of the bad things that have happened to us, and often twists them into something more than they were.  If he can get us talking about them again, he has opportunity to embed them even deeper in our souls.  We become his target, living like a hunted man always running from the joy thief, the dream destroyer.  This is not God’s plan for us!!

1 Corinthians 2:16 says “…we have the mind of Christ and do hold the thoughts (feelings and purposes) of His heart.”

We have been made new in Christ – that means our minds, too!  He made a way for us to renew our minds through His word (Romans 12:2).  He gives us the power to decide what we think about (Philippians 4:8).   He is able to answer this prayer for us, just as He did for David:  “Set a guard, O Lord, before my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.”  Psalm 141:3  Solomon knew the dangers of a loose tongue:  “He who guards his mouth keeps his life, but he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3

My dad grew up hard.  He experienced some deep hurts and walked through many difficulties in his life, some of which began in his childhood.  But these were not the things he chose to think and talk about.  He told us of adventures and family and fun.  He chose to recall the good, and it made all our lives better.

In the early years of getting to know God, I talked with Him about everything.   I was blessed to be a part of a young women’s bible study each week, and many of us were in the infant stage of our spiritual lives.  It was so exciting to have found that God was real and personal.  I don’t remember many conversations among us, whether we were at church or in our homes, that didn’t center around what God was doing in our lives.  We spent several years together as friends, growing and developing in our faith.  It was a wonderful time.

I was a seamstress in the area and made many a beautiful garment for clients that called on me.  The little income this produced went to the necessities of a family with small children and keeping the electricity on, so there were rarely opportunities to shop, even for fabric for myself.  I had worn-out jeans and shirts that were suitable enough for life at home in the country, and a few nice pieces for church, but I wanted some nicer things.  So one day I simply asked God  for new clothes.

The very next day a woman from our church knocked on my door.  I have no idea what income bracket she was in, but in my eyes she was wealthy.  She lived in a beautiful, spacious home, drove a nice, new vehicle, and was always perfectly outfitted.  We were only slightly acquainted with each other, but she had always seemed very kind to me.  She was hesitant as she began to speak… “I don’t know if you’re interested or not, but I just cleaned out my closets and have two bags of clothes. Would you like to have them?”  Would I!!  She drug the two large, black garbage bags to my door, as they were both heavily stuffed with clothing. It was like Christmas!!  Not only were the bags filled with beautiful garments, many of them were designer label items – things I would never have ever been able to purchase for myself.  My heart overflowed with the love of my Father for me, to care so much that He would send me new clothes, just because I asked.

Just a few short months from that event, we began the process of building a house on a very tight budget.  There was no wiggle room for mistakes.  As I was the one selecting the colors for our new home, I was given the task of purchasing the paint.  I had my heart set on a kitchen with almond cabinets, almond appliances, and peach walls.  Not orange.  Not pink.  Peach.   (Don’t judge… it was the 80’s…)  Once the color was chosen and the paint mixed, I could hardly wait!  I was alone in the house when I began painting, and it wasn’t long before I realized this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.  Knowing that there were no dollars available for more paint, I kept telling myself that perhaps it wasn’t as bad as it looked.  It was still wet.  Surely tomorrow when I returned to find it completely dry, it would be all right.  I was trying very hard to convince myself that my new kitchen really wasn’t pink when my brother walked in and said “Oh my gosh!  A pink kitchen?!?”

My heart sank.  I put away the paint, and began the walk back to our existing home, trying not to cry.  So I asked God, “What can I do?  I really don’t want a pink kitchen, God.”  And just as clearly I heard Him say “add yellow”.  I stopped in my tracks.  Yes!!  Yellow is what it needs!  I gathered my paint cans and took them back to the store.  After the clerk repeatedly telling me the store could not take the paint back, and me repeatedly telling him that’s not what I wanted, he finally agreed to add some yellow paint to my pink.  It was perfect.  My kitchen turned out exactly as I had envisioned it.   Many a day did just the color of my walls evoke praise to my Father, Who cared so much about me that He would fix my paint.

I’m not sure when I began saving only the “important” things to pray over, no longer talking to God about the small things in my everyday life.  As life brought changes, I moved away from the area, a good many miles from friends and family.  Trying to find a church and new friends proved difficult as nothing could compare to what I had left behind.   I felt I was the coal taken out of the fire, once removed from the blaze, I began to cool, and had finally become cold.  I still believed in God, still knew I was saved, but the passion, the intensity of experiencing the presence of God seemed to have left me.  Trouble came and my faith was weak when it was time to make difficult choices.  Somewhere in all the turmoil I lost confidence in prayers ever being answered.  I forgot Who my Father was.

I love that the bible never calls us His adults.  It always refers to us as His children.  We still get to be His children throughout all eternity.  I began reminding myself of this truth last year, determined to allow Him access into every aspect of my life, the important and the seemingly insignificant. As I’ve been meditating on His goodness as the perfect Father, He reminded me that He still wants to answer simple prayers.  He wants me to rely on Him for everything, talk to Him about everything.  He is never bored with me or too busy to listen.

“Ask, and it will be given you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you….if you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven give good and advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!”  Matthew 7:7, 11 

I don’t have all the answers yet for prayers offered up.  But He and I are talking about everything again, and I remember Who my Father is.

I’m the kind of person people don’t really like to play board games with.  Once the game has begun, my focus is the win.  In a game that involves a lot of offensive and defensive strategy, I rarely engage in the social aspects of being with friends and family – we can visit after the game is over…don’t interrupt me while I’m formulating my next move.  I must confess that during those moments I enjoy the game more than the players.  I don’t like to lose, but I am not a poor sport when I do.  However, more times than not, I will immediately suggest a rematch in order to redeem myself.

My earliest memories of a competitive setting are high school track meets.  I hated losing.  Particularly when I felt it was a teammate’s fault (i.e., another on the relay team).  While never one to vocalize my frustrations very often, the look was usually enough.  It has taken years of discipline to prevent such blatant displays of my negative emotions via my face, and I am still working on it.  Anyone who knows me well can spot my attitude as soon as they see me.  There is an old English proverb that says “The eyes are the window to the soul”.  This has proven to be very true for me.   Can anyone relate??

Competition can be fun and useful in developing skills and forming relationships with others.  Some children’s programs are designed to reward a final competitor or team as the winner, while others see all players as winners with equal reward and recognition.  As adults there are pageants, cook-offs, sports, and intellectual competitions where judges watch, compare, score, and determine the winner.  Companies compete for business, personnel within the companies compete for position, siblings compete for attention….the list could go on and on.  Those with competitive natures can easily begin to make everything they do a competition of some sort!

Yesterday I commented on the following scripture, referring to how we look at images given to us by the world, or even through the bible, and measure ourselves against standards that we may see as impossible, thus leaving us defeated.  Today, I want to look at the same scripture again, but this time thinking about how we may see ourselves as the standard that others should live up to:

“…when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely.”  2 Corinthians 10:12

The result is still the same – no understanding and unwise behavior.  How many times this week did we look at what someone else was wearing, how they did or did not discipline their children, or we heard their words and we measured them by what we think they should do….”  Like it or not, it’s called judging.  And we are commanded not to do it.

“Judge not and you will not be judged; do not condemn and pronounce guilty, and you will not be condemned and pronounced guilty; acquit and forgive and release and you will be acquitted and forgiven and released.”  Luke 6:37

What do we think this verse really means?  God is exposing my heart, showing me all the little ways I go through life judging others.  Most of the time I have a negative thought about what someone else has done, it has nothing to do with whether or not it’s sin.   It’s simply my opinion.  And the fact is, God isn’t particularly interested in my opinion.  He’s interested in my love walk.  My love walk includes my actions, thoughts, AND my facial expressions!

We tend to pull this verse out of that chapter to let someone know they shouldn’t be judging us.  If you back up a couple of verses you’ll find    “love your enemies…do good and lend, expecting nothing in return…”  v 35    Verses 35-36 also say “…He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.  So (you) be merciful – sympathetic, tender, responsive, and compassionate – even as your Father is.”  He hadn’t changed topic when He got to the “judge not” part.

In this game of life, God gives us all equal status.  He isn’t rewarding one for being better than another.  He is offering to all His love, His salvation.  Our souls are made up of our mind, will and emotions.  If I want the windows of my soul to reveal His mercy, His love, and His salvation, I must relinquish my opinions and emotions to Him.  They only matter if they reflect Him.

I want my love walk to make everyone I come in contact with feel like a winner!!