I live in a rather large subdivision on the outskirts of the metroplex area. It’s near a lake and an airport and an often congested roadway from which the noises occasionally invade my quiet little street. As I sit on my balcony I can see the planes as they are in their descent toward the landing strip and hear the distant sounds of traffic. And while I have a mostly obstructed view of the golf course that runs throughout the neighborhood, I simply position my chair so as to see the bridge over the small waterway and tune my ears to the sounds of the birds. I do enjoy getting out in nature and for me it’s always been a method of moving closer to God. So this will suffice. It is what I can do today. I need Him to speak.
Something’s been bugging me. I’ve put it off as one of the ill-effects of erratic sleep patterns which plague me so often these days. I have been vaguely aware of a little negativity hanging around but I’ve been busy enough to keep it at bay. I have exciting things happening this week yet try as I might, my enthusiasm over the good has not dissolved this something that is hovering. Time to get real. Time to be still enough to examine what’s wrong.
We humans are such slow learners some times. It’s not just me, is it? As soon as I pulled away from all the other things to do and got still and quiet, He made it so clear. I am dissatisfied. Not in a big needing-to-make-major-changes kind of way. I’m happily married, thoroughly pleased with my home, enjoying the work I am involved in…so what is it? I will admit my first thoughts were those of what others should be doing. If only the people and organizations in my life would do what I think they should do, surely then I would be satisfied.
I often proclaim through word and song and thought and prayer that Jesus is enough for me. That God is everything I need. Yet here I sit once again finding that I have tried to place the responsibility of my own satisfaction in the hands of another, be it a person or an organization. Herein lies the root of my discomfort, the source of the little dark cloud that has been following me.
I am reminded again of Paul’s words “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances…”. It’s not an automatic thing this learning to be content, to be satisfied with where I am and what I have and what everyone else is doing, even if I believe they are off the mark and it affects me. It is a discipline to which I must forcefully yield because I can’t have it both ways. I cannot stand face-to-face with God and profess that He is ALL to me and live with dissatisfaction at my side.
I want more, no doubt about it. I want to be taught deeper things, I want more opportunities to share what I’ve learned, I want my family to passionately follow Him, I want mercy for those who are wounded and hurting, I want freedom for those who are oppressed, I want justice for those who have been wronged, I want MORE! How can I be content when so very much is needed, satisfied while needs go unmet, still when there is so much to do??
These questions only bring me back to where I started. He is everything I need. Until I believe that I can be satisfied with Him alone, I will never know how to truly be content. This makes me a little uncomfortable in its accountability. This removes any idea that I can place pressure, whether outwardly in word or deed or simply in my thought life, on any other person to fill any void I find in my life to the point that I will be satisfied. My flesh squirms beneath this truth.
As clearly as I believe my discernment may be in the matters of others, my taking it to Him alone just as clearly exposes my great limitations in understanding the matters of others. He calls me to pray and to do and say only what He tells me to do or say. He calls me to entrust my life to Him completely. He knows where I am. He knows the desires of my heart toward those I love and the many who impact my life. He knows how His gift in me causes me to feel as if I am going to burst if I do not find an outlet for it! He knows my every need at the deepest of levels even before I am aware I am in need.
And just about the time I once again find the peace that comes with surrender, the heavy clouds that had covered the sky all morning break, revealing the beautiful blue that was just on the other side and I remember –
…and your light shall break forth like the morning… (Isaiah 58:8)
He is enough. I pray you breathe Him in and find this satisfaction for your soul today, too.
“Satisfied, wanting more” was written by Kay Stinnett and first appeared on http://www.ourpassionatepurpose.com
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